We attended a talk/seminar recently at our church entitled “Men and woman: celebrating the difference”. The pastor was American, and he worked as a counsellor for his home church, specialising in relationship problems amongst couples.
He started by sharing a recent experience he had with his wife. They were on their way home from a function and the wife began to talk about how beautiful everything was and how she liked the way the dessert was presented — nice cutlery, napkin, decoration etc. The husband found himself having nothing to say about the beauty of the dessert because all he remembered was eating the dessert! And, he asked the audience “who remembered what napkins were used and what colour”? We all laughed. We could identify with that sharing. The pastor continued by referring us to the book of Genesis in the bible when God created Adam and then Eve. He explained very clearly that each creation has its own God intended purpose. The female is in no way inferior to the man because she was also created in the image of God. Male and females are created differently to fulfill different roles. However, after the fall, this gender difference has caused many problems such as communication between husband and wife, divorce etc.
The pastor went on to say that men generally find significance in their work. There is a strong need for men to work and provide for the family and at times, the men tend to over-work and neglect the family. They want to be respected too. The women, on the other hand, is relational. She values relationships and looks for security and affirmation of words and love from her husband. By understanding from the bible how God has created men and women differently and how each gender needs to be fulfilled, it helps to prevent a lot of marital problems, especially in communication.
I have also read somewhere about how (married) men and (married) women are different when it comes to their understanding of being loved by the other. Men generally feel loved by spending quality time with their wives and from physical affection. Women, on the hand generally requires affirmation of words and by acts of service by their husbands (helping out at home with kids, housework etc. Leaving these true feelings unspoken can cause many problems in the marriage. How true.
I have to admit it has not been easy for myself and Robin when it comes to communication and understanding of each other in our marriage. It is through time, arguments, lots of honest talking, perseverance and the grace of God that our marriage can be sustained till now. There is a lot to learn still, and a long road ahead of us, God willing. Like parenting, marriage requires a lot of hard work.
In recognising the difference between men and women, we were urged to humble ourselves before our spouse and to embrace the difference between us so that we can truly celebrate the difference as God has intended.